It seems like it never fails, i almost always either getting ready for bed or in bed when God comes down with that still small voice and knocks me upside the head with some kind of revelation. Well tonight He hit me with another one...several months back i went through a break up and truly thought i handled it well, i clung to God and prayed more than every that i would do Him honor through the way i handled it. And although i learned lots of lessons through the whole thing i never really felt like i had found my "big" lesson God was trying to show me, and then it hit me tonight. I've learned lots of things about relationships over my time of dating, things i look for and things i stay away from and after months of praying i think i can add a few things to that list. So for the sake of looking forward i want to make sure i remember the lessons God has taught me in the past and add on the new ones He has given me tonight.
What I've learned about christian dating...
1. Guard your heart, as someone who doesnt believe in dating just to date its so easy to allow my heart to daydream when a guy finally catches my attention. My mind automatically goes to what could be... or what if... this very quickly gets me in trouble. There is a quote a friend of mine tweeted that pretty much summed this one up for me....
"Dont let your mind marry him before the rest of you can. Guard your heart and imagination from running ahead of your current commitment."
2. If Jesus is not already his number 1 priority then I cant change that while in a relationship with him. Missionary relationships NEVER work! They were not the way God designed them to me. I can't save, fix, push or "encourage" a guy into being better than he is willing to be. Just because i can see what he could be in Christ doesnt mean God has revealed that to him yet and its not my job to point it out to him.
3. If i feel red flags then there are red flags and i need to RUN!!! God gave me a gut for a reason and i need to listen to it.
4. There is a very fine line between cupcake icing, respect him enough to be submissive, and makes the "harlem girl daddy didnt raise no fool" come out in me! I dont want cupcake icing, these are guys that are too sweet, lets face it, it if i can walk over them i will, and if i can "fix" you then i can run over you and thats not what i want, this leaves me searching for a guy willing to tell me to shut up every once in awhile. I KNOW i need to be put in my place sometimes. I know and want that, i want to be submissive to my husband i desire that, my flesh my not always want to but my spirit desires too. This search leaves me looking for the alfa male that can put me in my place, however this sometimes means i find guys that constantly bring out the "harlem girl daddy didnt raise no fool" in me. and thats not healthy either.
5. Sometimes no matter what i hope, dream, love, want or desire sometimes the healthiest thing i can do is let go and move on, i dont have to be friends with everyone after, heck i dont even have to talk to them. Forgiveness doesnt mean rolling over and taking whatever junk someone can throw at me!