Tuesday, July 26, 2011


ok so you have been warned this is going to be me just going blah! and having so finger/word vomit for a moment! So on friday morning i was woken up by my best friend asking me to come stay with her daughter while she went to the hospital, her dad was having chest pains and they were taking him, two tear filled phone calls, 3 hours and one massive heart attack later he was gone, i couldnt believe it, he was the strongest man id ever known, i mean i love my daddy but mr. john was a close second! Laurin came home and me, her, her husband, and daughter packed up to go stay at her moms house, while which is where i have been since, this is my first day with them, and its so strange not to be with them, all i want is to go home and hangout and morn in peace, So to top is all off Daddy called me several times sunday morning, werid for him, so when i answered he informed me that my grandmother had died that morning, SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!? i mean she was old and it wasnt a huge shock but for real!!!!!!!! So we will be living to go to Kentucky tomorrow night, so this weekend has massively sucked! I mean i know God doesnt give you more than you can handle but right now i wish He didnt trust me so much!!! 

To top off everything my ex came by several times during all this and wants to go see my mom since it was her mom that pasted, on one hand im thankful for the support, and i know how much he cared for Mr. John and for my family but SERIOUSLY!!! its making this so much more difficult! because when hes there hes not really there, and im left to have the so why arent yall together talk with everyone i see, and defend myself everytime someone tells me were going to get married, WERE NOT! it wasnt my decision but its one ive come to terms with, and im so sick of having to have that convertation with everyone, i know he cares and im thankful for that and if this had happend while we were dating i would have been so thankful, because through out most of this all i wanted was for someone to put their arms around me and let me cry, to make me feel safe, and protected, but i didnt get that, i got a how are you and a one armed hug, which i assume in this was the best thing but its not what i needed, i just cant handle all of this, i just want to crawl in my bed and go to sleep for days! This is so hard because on one hand im so thankful he was there to support me, but on the other i wanted to punk him like a football and tell him to answer all the questions because it was his choice to break up and he should have to deal with it!! 

Ugh its been such a bad weekend, and i think im at the point of grief that im just currently bitter at the world, so please excuse the crankyness to all those involved and that i come into contact with!!!


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