Monday, March 8, 2010
Well today was an interesting day to say the least, although it was one that came with its own set of lessons. sometimes i wonder if in my journey to give it all to God am i allowed to feel annoyed? have you ever had days when even though you know your doing the right things its still just an oddly lonely day, the kind of day that makes you want a hug and makes you hope and pray alittle harder that it will all be worth it in the end. its so easy to let my mind wonder and imagine this all not working out the way i have faith it will, that one day ill find out God has a whole other plan for me, however the thing is i may not know many details about what He wants for me but i KNOW that is one thing Hes going to allow me to have if i can just get it together. and if for some reason i got the message wrong i dont care, because as long as im on His path i dont care what it holds, i just want Him. i learned about being still today, my bible study says that in greek the original meaning for being still before God would have meant to be relaxed, to truly just let our bodies relax and let our hands open to Him. during the live link tonight i couldnt stop smiling, and i found my hands literally wanting to open for Him, i truly just want to let everything go, every want, need and desire i have for my life i just want what He wants, and even though its not always easy and i still fall and struggle everyday and i know i will continue to do so however i also know that He is that amazing that He will forgive me even when i dont deserve it, or when its the 20389478234823 time ive messed up with the same thing. i want to be wreaked for His glory, i want to be a door holder for His kingdom, i want to be so wrapped up in Him that the only things i notice are things He adds to my life. even on days when all i want to do is go back to before because it was easy, or when sometimes i realize how things werent nessasarily bad before i was called to fast in fact they were getting better however i know it would have been a false better and the only way to make things better is to make Him number one and see what He decides to add to my life. i cant wait to see what He has for me on the other side of this fast, and honestly if this is something He decides i need to do for the next ten years ill do it, i beileve i know the amount of time Hes called me to do it however i refuse to count down or even figure out the date it would be over by the number Hes given me, because this isnt just a fast, its a lifestyle change. im so excited to see what else He has for me in life, im excited to see what the next chapter in my life looks like. im a strong girl but im only strong thru Him, Hes shown me in the last year and a half or so how strong i can be and how strong ill have to be in the future and i know i can do it with Him by my side, i always thought i couldnt do it, i prayed to not have to however now its a time to suck it up and say bring it on.