Friday, February 5, 2010

Dear John

So this summer i went on a reading spree and spent alot of time in my summer babysitting job devoted to reading by the pool. I know crappy job right... :-) well after picking Dear John by Nicholas Sparks up it seemed to become part of my body over the next two days as i followed John and Savanah's love story. i quickly fell in love with the characters and started to see alot of similarities in the fictional characters and my own life and friends. now with the anticipation of the upcoming movie the trailor seems to play every commercal break. As excited as i am for the movie i quickly got to the point that i couldnt even watch the trailor without tearing up. yes i know im a cry baby and i accept this as just part of my personality that i have come to love. it literally took my breathe away to hear the music play, im honestly not sure how im going to get thru the movie. When i realized how much trouble i was having watching the trailor it made me wonder why i was having such a hard time, and why i loved the book so much, i think its because of the account of pure love in the book, and unselfish no holds bar kind of love that reguadless of what happend they were still there for each other kind of love. i know its just a book but it somehow makes me feel at peace. because as im that way too. if ive ever told you i love you weather it be in a friendship or romantic way the reality is i will do anything for you despite what happends between us. i know that part of my personality i try and fix everything for everyone but this book made me realize maybe yes part of what i do goes to far but maybe a larger part just loves in a way deeper than i sometimes understand. i would do anything to make someone happy despite my own feelings or needs. John did something that few people in life could imagine doing and after a love like that i dont know if i could ever attempt to love again. John was a stuburn, sterotypical military guy. Hid from things unknown and guarded himself from all danger except when it came to battle. John would throw himself onto an IED before seeing one of his men fall in war. however he fell for a girl he under normal sircumstances wouldnt have gone after. he was on leave for two weeks, thats all it took. and she was one of the bravest girls i know for allowing herself to be open to loving him while he was leaving. she ended up making a decision that many as readers hated her for. weather it was the right one or not is between her and God. i personally dont understand how she could leave him or question his loyalty to his country. i personally would have lost respect for John if he had picked her over his call to defend his country. i have prayed for my future husband from the time i can remember and i still do to this day, i use to pray to God that he wouldnt have a dangerous job. "Lord please dont give him a desire to be a cop, firefighter or in the military. im not strong enough for that" was my prayer for years. but i can remember the exact spot i was in when i realized i was strong enough for anything thru God and that if it made my future husband happy to do something dangerous then it was something i would happily encourage him thru. i was hiking up a mountain in alaska i had stopped by a tree and i remember looking out over the side remembering how extremely excited and powerful i felt and how i wanted my husband to do things like this with me. who knows what God has in store as a job for my husband but what i do know is that i only hope i can love him with that much passion and fire that i would see him be happy with someone else if it meant he were happy. that i would support any dream he could dream, that i would lay anything down to show him i love him and make him happy. John and Savanah had a love that was unlike any other and even though it was only in a book that kind of love truly brings me to tears, they went thru some hard times, she was forced to understand somethings he would never open up to her about and there were times that despite his desire to keep it all in that he had to open up and tell her. in the end they hid how hard it was from each other when in fact it was something that could have brought them closer together. however even as they seperated and grew in there own seperate lives the time they shared lasted forever. and in the love they shared grew an unselfish love that agreed to do anything for the other, even as gut checking as it may have been. i apploud their openess, their willingness to love and the unselfish love they shared for the time they were allowed to share it. i think thats why i love this book so much, as much as i love the people i love i can only pray that i would be able to love them that much.

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