Monday, February 22, 2010

Day 6

I really like this picture so it doesnt really have anything to day with todays blog unless God gives me some giant revelation while im writing haha so today was not the easiest of all days, its really been the first of my fast that i didnt have anything to do so it definatly gave my mind time to wonder but it was good practice for catching what goes on in my thought closet. so i spent most of my day cleaning to stay busy i even did homework, you know im bored if i willingly did math! :-) so today in my bible study we were talking about the labels we give ourselves and the ones we allow to stick to us because someone else stuck them there. we were challenged to find our three most used labels and we had to encounter them and where they came from and how they effect our lives. mine are useless, unwanted and good for nothing. yes i know none of these are true however they are all labels someone has stuck on my and i have accepted and used over the years on many many parts of my life. it made me realize while i was doing the study maybe this is why i have such a hard time trusting God. maybe some part of me has felt like i dont deserve all the things He has for me. that makes me so sad. i love Him with all my heart but i have found ways to prove my mistrust over the years. which is crazy because i trust very easily on earth however i think i trust with my eyes wide open expeactally with those that deserve my trust the most. the ones who are always there. i expect people to leave, ive expirenced it many many times however when they dont leave im always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the we need to talk look or the big fight, maybe even the hurt. how unfair is that. its like the ones that prove they deserve to be in my life are the ones i make jump thru hoops to be there. i always end up hurting those i love most and i hate that so much! God has done so much for me and yet ive repeatedly proved my mistrust, both in Him and the amazing people Hes given me. well that stops now! i know im useful, wanted and good at lots of things! im sick of letting the devil play with my label maker! he sucks at it!! im sick of pushing away people that love me and deal with my stuff and love me thru it. im sick of taking out my unresolved emotions out on people that have always been there for me. so no more! i am fearfully and wonderfully made in God, Someone who loves me behond measure and gives me every reason to trust Him and the ones He put in my life for a reason. If i love Him i have to love His children in the same way i love Him. so i want to learn to love more and more everyday with grace and truth and without reservations. however i know He has to be number one in my life. We all have some important things in our lives to us that God challenges to give up sometimes atleast for a season when we need to fully seek after Him. and only when we can fully seek after Him and are strong enough to keep Him number one will He add the 2nd,3rd and 4th place things in our lives. so i challenge myself as well as anyone reading this, is He number one? and if not how can He be? i pray for those i love every single day and i promise im praying for YOU! i want to see you grow into the Godly people Hes called us all to be, so i pray youll join me in seeking after Him with everything we have. then lets see what we can all do with God number one and our 2nd 3rd and 4th's all in the right places.

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