Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Changing Someone Opinion...

They say first impressions are made within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone. Well my question is once that impression is made can it every really truly be changed. When i was 18 years old i was an annoying brat. I was immature, unlogical  and selfish. (hello what 18 year old girls isn't?!) But i digress. I was a big giant swirling ball of crazy and i left a wake of devastation and people hiding for cover in my path. Now God has done some amazing things in my life in the last 6 years but i often wonder do those around me who knew me then can they ever truly forget and move on? I feel like everyone is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop for me to turn into my crazy self again and they hold their breathe until i do. And i sense this about people so i in turn get to sensitive about their reactions to me. i don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to be seen for who i am and how far i've come but i feel like no matter how fast i run i can never escape her. And honestly constantly trying to prove myself new is often more exhausting than just starting over where no one knows me or my story. But i don't want that either. I love the people in my life but it physically makes me sick the amount of times i see it in someones eyes or hear it in their voice that all they see is 18 year old Sasha.

This is the hardest part of change for me, how do you change something you have no control over. I am not sure you can have a fresh start with someone until your both able to put the past in the past and move forward but learning how to truly do that is easier said than done I'm learning. Where is the magic pill to make everyone forget the mistakes of my past, or am i the only one bringing them up refusing to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made?


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