Monday, May 30, 2011

Dear John...

So tonight i finally watched Dear John, I bought it months ago and it is my absolute favorite book, but it has always reminded me of an ex and i honestly didnt want to watch it becuase i never wanted to bring those feelings up again, i remember reading the book and being absolutly broken while reading it. but for some reason i just really felt like i needed to watch it tonight. Maybe it was a God thing who knows...but what i do know is i didnt cry nearly as much as i thought i would!! 

I have to say i went into a relationship with a military guy willingly never having fear about doing so, i would have done anything and supported him in anything he wanted to do in the military. But then all of a sudden he was gone. and it was over, never with a real explination or reason. just over, our lives we had been planning no longer applied and he was gone. I have moved on and recovered so much since that night but watching this movie made me realize how scared it has made me, to open up, to take a chance. i dont want to be hurt again, im not sure i can go through that again.  He was one of the best men ive ever met i had so much respect for him, he was truly my best friend, the person he became after makes me so sad, he has become bitter ad cynical, i can remember the light and happiness that use to be in my friend but now its like hes mad at the world. I love his family to death and truly do EVERYTHING i can to help and support them, i guess im coming to terms with how much i miss my friend, regaurdless of what happend with our relationship we use to be so close and shared everything with each other, and i miss that. but he has pushed me away for years and i cant help but after all this time be tired of trying, regardless of missing my friend. I hate to say im not sure if its something that can ever really be fixed, id love for it to, but ive tried for the two years since we broke up to repair our friendship and as much as i miss the person who use to be my best friend i cant continue to be the only one trying. 

Darn you Nicholas Sparks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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