Wednesday, September 30, 2009

to run or not to run....

Sometimes my only goal in life right now is to away to here some amazing waterfall in alaska or anywhere but here. i love the people that surround me but sometimes i feel like i cant breathe. i want to start over i want to be me without the expectation or the demands. i feel like everyone likes to tell me who i am or who i should be, im a strong person but i dont stick up for myself, sometimes it just doesnt matter and sometimes i want to hit whoever is telling me what to do. i had alot of people tell me to stick up for myself but they dont see how hard that is for me. i dont want to be just that girl anymore, i want to be myself and not who everyone expects me to be. or who they think i am just because of who i hangout with. every bone in my body wants to run, but am i just running because im scared? am i being no better than the other people in my life who have ran or do i truly need sometime to myself to start over and figure out who i am and what i want in life. thats my struggle now, is God telling me its okay to run away for alittle while or am i looking for an easy way out, a way to not have to deal with the crap. the selfishness of others the expectations and them telling me what to do and how to act and how to feel. your not me and just because you dont feel the same way i do doesnt mean im not allowed to feel this way. im allowed to be broken for alittle while. am i running because i once again cant stick up for myself or am i running to find myself, maybe alittle of both. i dont want to hurt anyone thats why i dont stick up for myself and i know that i need to but i dont want to become you. im happy making others happy, and even though ive realized its not always for the right reasons and im working on that i also know that i like making people happy and i will never so easily disregard someones feelings. a part of me truly hopes and prays that God allows me to run for awhile but maybe this is one of those times i have to face my problems head on and know that God is right beside me and that what im doing is right because this is the way He made me.

1 comment:

  1. I love you. End of story.
    Not really the end... I love you and I tell you to stand up and be strong because I want you to stop being crapped on by people. I know I'm negative and persistent in what I want and I hope I don't force any ideals on you when I am. But I'm the kind of girl that usually gets what I want and I want that for you. So again, I love you and I'm ALWAYS here. :]